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Dear Marina Dock Members and Patrons,

One of the advantages of ageing is that this whole struggle with God is finally laid to rest. Life, it appears, becomes less about the search for answers and more about just living in the moment, if you will. A feeling of inner peace and contentment has descended upon us and we feel that we have finally emerged from the crises of personal transformation that dominated the early years of our recovery. We are now, finally, in a place where we no longer question the spiritual dimensions of our existence. We can smile inwardly, as we reflect back on the early years of irritability and impending doom. The years where everything was a problem as we tried desperately to stay the course and resist the compulsion to self-destruct. When I first came around, to say that I was "agnostically inclined" is putting it mildly. As it says in the Big Book, "logic is great stuff. We liked it. We still like it." It was, however, killing me, and somehow, begrudgingly, I was forced to admit it. My eventual God-consciousness was visited upon me, like most of us, via the educational medium, i.e., "developed slowly over a period of time." I find it somewhat amusing now when I consider how much reliance I then placed on intellect and rational thinking, believing them to be a panacea and the ultimate measure of all things. In fact, they were almost my undoing. The road to enlightenment can be a chaotic and costly experience for people with my predilections, but a road nevertheless. In the end, it brought me first to my knees and then to "a God of my understanding."

That single phrase: "God as we understood him".

When I think back on it today, it was probably the difference, for me, between life and death. Bill's concession, as he described it, to those of little or no faith. Calling it the great contribution of our atheists and agnostics, "They have widened our gateway so that all who suffer might pass through, regardless of their belief or lack of belief." It is interesting that Bill's decision to change the wording, when writing the twelve steps, was influenced by two late evening callers, his close friend Horace C and a newcomer, dry barely three months. The two men had some objections to the frequent use of the word "God" and to asking on one's knees to have one's shortcomings removed. Imagine a newcomer having that much influence in the formation of our twelve steps, and Bill's ability to see beyond his own, by all accounts, substantial ego. Bill was also sensitive to the reaction of organized religion to the Big Book's publication. His good friend, Dr. Harry Emerson Fosdick, a highly respected minister of the Riverside Church, warmly approved an advanced copy and virtually guaranteed interest in Protestant circles. He had even greater reservations about the response of Roman Catholics. What if they decided that AA was a heretical cult? After the book was reviewed by the Catholic Committee on Publications in New York Archdiocese, the committee had high praise for the book and its message. They did, however suggest some minor changes, which Bill quickly accepted. The most significant of these was a piece at the end of Bill's own story. Where he declared that the recovered alcoholic had found heaven right here on earth. The committee suggested that he change "heaven" to "Utopia." As they said, "After all, we Catholics are promising folks something much better later on!"(Pass It On, 1984) It looks like we might have a stronger case today than we did then. Do you think enough time has now elapsed for us to petition the church to have the word "Heaven" reinstated, or is that still somewhat premature?